2 Types of Forgiveness: One that Frees and One that Restores

Unconditional Forgiveness: Setting Yourself Free

Unconditional forgiveness is the courageous, Christ-modeled act of releasing bitterness even when the one who has offended you has not repented or changed. It is not about him or her—it’s about your own emotional freedom and spiritual growth. Ephesians 4:31–32 calls us to:

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

This type of forgiveness reflects Jesus’s forgiveness of us—not because we deserve it, but because of His grace. It’s a deliberate, continual process that allows you to release the bondage of resentment and pain. It doesn’t excuse the sin, nor does it eliminate consequences or minimize the betrayal. It is about giving up the right to hurt someone back for hurting you. It simply says, “I will not let your sin control my heart anymore.” It is truly a gift you give yourself as well as an act of obedience to God.

Conditional Forgiveness: When Repentance Is Required

Conditional forgiveness is different and is the only type of forgiveness that can truly restore a broken relationship when there has been habitual sin. Why? Because it is tied to repentance, which Jesus addresses in Luke 17:3:

“If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.”

This kind of forgiveness can lead to a restored relationship, but only if the one who has offended you genuinely repents and changes. Even then, some women find that after years of damage and betrayal, trust cannot be fully rebuilt. Conditional forgiveness says: “If you turn from your sin, if you take responsibility, if you rebuild trust with actions, then forgiveness and perhaps reconciliation can be extended.”

Authentic repentance is not words—it’s a heart and mind transformation that also includes a restored relationship with God. It is:

Acknowledging the harm done
Taking full responsibility
Demonstrating sustained behavioral change
Seeking accountability and help
Bearing the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23)

True repentance is a process, and time is often the best revealer of the heart of the one who has offended you. Many women have been deceived by temporary changes or empty apologies only to have the hurtful behaviors return. That’s why patience and discernment are absolutely crucial to avoid reentering an unhealthy relationship prematurely. Seek God's direction and godly counsel. 

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Written by Diane Schnickels - I am the founder and Executive Director of Living Waters of Hope. This blog article is taken from the Oasis Bible Study, Book 2, Lessons 7 and 8, "The Truth About Forgiveness" and summarized with the help of Chat GPT. Click HERE to order the book. Click HERE to attend a safe and confidential online class. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me at [email protected]