Four Different Responses to Trauma

Any trauma, including from domestic abuse, changes the balances of how the brain functions.

Once the danger "alarm" is turned on, a message is sent to your brain that you are in danger or threat of danger which in turn creates a bodily response. 

When the abuse is chronic as in domestic abuse, the alarm stays stuck in the “on” position even after finding safety. 

Another way to say this is that your nervous system goes into survival mode. While many of us are familiar with “fight or flight,” the full picture includes two other powerful responses: freeze and fawn. These automatic, instinctive reactions aren’t choices—they’re survival strategies deeply wired into our biology.

For survivors of abuse, these trauma responses can shape everything from how you react in a relationship to how you process emotions, trust others, or even interact with your faith. By understanding each response more deeply, you can offer yourself greater compassion, patience, and hope.

Author Bessel Van Der Kolk explains in his book, The Body Keeps Score.

 “Trauma results in a fundamental reorganization of the way the mind and brain manage perceptions. It changes not only how we think and what we think about, but also our very capacity to think.”

 Four Different Responses to a Traumatic Event

1. Fight – The victim’s body gets ready to defend itself from danger or a threat of danger

2. Flight – The body gets ready to get away from danger or a threat of danger.

3. Freeze – The body shuts down when you can’t defend yourself or get away.

4. Fawn – The body seeks to please the person representing the threat to help prevent harm.

What can these responses look like in daily interactions?

What it looks like:
This response is about confronting the threat directly—arguing, standing up, setting firm boundaries, or even lashing out verbally or physically. The goal is to overpower the danger.

In survivors:
Someone in "fight mode" may seem angry, defensive, or controlling. They might speak up against abuse or injustice—sometimes loudly. Others may see this as aggression, but it’s often rooted in fear and a desperate need to feel safe again.

What is needed:
Validation that anger makes sense.  Understanding how to channel that protective energy in healthy, healing ways.

What it looks like:
Flight means running—physically or emotionally—from danger. Survivors may leave situations quickly, keep busy to avoid their feelings, or struggle with anxiety and perfectionism as a way to maintain control.

In survivors:
You might avoid confrontation, change the subject when abuse is mentioned, or constantly seek something “better” to escape discomfort. Sometimes, you could run from relationships or responsibilities to avoid being hurt again.

What is needed :
Reassurance that you're safe now. Encouragement to slow down, be present, and face emotions one small step at a time.

What it looks like:
In this response, the body shuts down. Survivors may go numb, dissociate, or feel paralyzed by fear. It can feel like being "stuck"—unable to move forward, even when you want to.

In survivors:
You might seem unmotivated, disconnected, or “spaced out.” Others may misinterpret this as laziness or apathy, but it’s actually a nervous system stuck in a protective mode.

What is needed:
Gentle reminders that it's okay to feel. Safe spaces where you can start reconnecting to your body and emotions without pressure.

What it looks like:
Fawning is about keeping the peace. Survivors will people-please, comply, or self-abandon to prevent conflict or harm. It's a way of “disarming” the threat through obedience or appeasement.

In survivors:
You may have trouble saying no, expressing needs, or setting boundaries. Often, you've learned that the safest option is to be agreeable—no matter the personal cost.

What what is needed:
Empowerment to reclaim your voice. Encouragement to set healthy boundaries and remember your needs matter too.

Not surprisingly, fawning is a common response by many women caught in a domestically abusive relationship.

Often, when a woman tries to use her voice, even in a respectful manner, there is a negative reaction by her husband in the form of anger or days of silence. Therefore, women learn to be silent and compliant which is just what a husband who is controlling and abusive wants. She eventually fades internally, losing the essence of who God made her to be… even though she may look just fine at church.

Each trauma response is a brilliant strategy the body developed to survive unthinkable circumstances. But in healing, these once-helpful patterns can become exhausting or isolating.

When we recognize these responses for what they are—not flaws, but signs of survival—we open the door to healing.

Whether you’re a survivor, a friend, or a church leader, understanding trauma responses is a powerful step toward creating safety and dignity for those who’ve been wounded. For more information on trauma and its impact on the body and brain, read this blog article.

Counseling and attending a support class is always a great formula for effective healing

👉 Want more support on your journey? Connect with our online support classes here. 

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