He Checked all the Boxes - Suzie's StoryNov 17, 2023
"He appeared to be getting better and was fulfilling the conditions I gave him to show me he was vested in the relationship and serious about becoming non-abusive," Suzie soberly shared.
He did all the right things and said all the right words to make her feel like she was returning to a safe home.
Unfortunately, not even three weeks after she returned, he was back to the same old abusive behaviors. Like many controlling men, he "checked the boxes" without changing his heart and belief system regarding his abuse. This is a common manipulative tactic.
Hope Giver Tip - Be patient with a wounded sister as she tries to make her marriage work and may return a few times. Even though you can clearly see the abuse, she often needs more time to realize how unhealthy and toxic her marital relationship is.
Sadly, this was not the first or even second time Suzie tried to reconcile with her husband. She wanted her marriage to work and gave it her all, but it was not enough. She loved him through the abuse and forgave him again and again, but that never changed his harmful behavior towards her. Each time, she returned home with hopeful expectations only to have his abuse return. This time it was more dangerous than ever before for her and the children. Finding the courage to leave this final time, she sought legal protection by getting a Protection from Abuse (PFA). Some states call this a "Restraining Order" Suzie shared, “I know it will take time, but we will all heal. I am running into the open arms of my ‘Papa’ Father.”
Suzie has been in our Oasis Bible Study classes and community for over two years during her attempts to reconcile with her husband which included returning home several times.
She found us during an online search as she “desperately” looked for a faith-based resource. The safe and confidential online Oasis Bible Study classes and community was just what she needed. This is where her healing journey began. Again, during her most recent return home, her husband’s abusive behavior was more dangerous than ever, and she had to leave for safety reasons… this time for good. Now she is back in class to continue her healing journey.
Amid her own healing, God is using Suzie to share the Oasis Bible Study truths with three women she meets with each week in her home. In addition, she has shared the Oasis Bible Study books with her therapist who is now giving them to clients. Suzie excitedly told me, "They love the Oasis books! I want you to know how much Oasis is impacting the world!"
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